So, What's The Ruling On This One?

     I have been working too hard. If you have been reading our blog you know that I have talked recently about how the rules of golf can be a bit complicated.  In fact, this has absorbed my thinking for some time now.  However, I was told once that the rules of golf are a good cop designed to take care of unfortunate situations such as wet fairways and bad lies due to some of the stupid things mankind does on a golf course.  I will leave this to your imagination, and I am sure that you have come up against such situations where the rule book was a great source of relief--literally.  I have been thinking about the rules quite a bit--maybe a bit too much.
      Before I start, I just want to go on record folks as saying that I am not losing it.  What I am about to share may seem that way, but I will confidently say that I am of sound mind.  I know, I checked the PDSM--the guide psychiatrists and psychologists use to diagnose mental illness--and I couldn't find anything that matched exactly. Now my wife and the cookie thing in the shower, that's another story, but I won't go there.  I love you dear and I'm glad you don't read my blog posts.
     Here's what happened and I was wondering if you could get a ruling on this and share it with me.  I'm curious as what the proper ruling would have been.  I don't have a rule book handy, its out in my golf bag in the garage and I'm too lazy to go get it. So if you could be so kind as to help me out on this one, I don't think that I will sleep well tonight if I don't get and answer.
      I had a good night's sleep last night. Do you remember your dreams after you wake up? I do quite a bit and I wanted to share a particular dream I had just shortly before I woke up this morning. Here goes, and please remember that I am relatively sane at this moment but pay attention as this is important.  I was at my first professional golf tournament and I was to tee off on my first hole.  Very close to the tee was the starter's table, which was a cheesy little inexpensive card table where you had dinner on when company came over when you were a child.  You remember those, don't you? Anyway, my name was called and I proceeded to the first tee.  Yes, I do admit that I was nervous. How could I not be, after all this was my first professional start. I teed up the ball and got ready to play my drive.
      I took a mighty swing at the ball--WHOSH.  It was a booming drive 350 yards down the middle of the fairway--not.  Somehow I whiffed the ball, almost like a bad bunt by a pitcher in a big Giant game. The ball squibbed to the left and wound up on the starter's card table settling behind a paperweight on the starter's table. What do I do now?  What is the ruling?  Do I have to play the ball where it lay, or do I just withdraw from the tournament, go to the bar and have a few tall cold ones calling it a day claiming a terminal case of golfer's embarrassment?  Do I get on the table, probably falling to my death given the strength, height and stability of the table and play the shot where it lay? I don't know, but what would the ruling be here?  If any of you have an ides as to what it is, I would like to know.
      Honestly, I can't tell you how all this played out--a bad pun, I know but hey its Saturday and you needed the chuckle--because I woke up.  Seriously now though, all you golf rule officionados, what would the ruling be? Take out your rule books and let me know. I would appreciate the ruling should that particular situation come up again and I need a ruling.

In trouble again?